I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
