so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it's great music for shaving your balls
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
