Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
