I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
