Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
