you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
