Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
