u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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