You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
