they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
