You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
