Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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