If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
