You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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