he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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