I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
