shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
