Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
