i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
