girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
