my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
God I need to hump something, right now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
