Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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