Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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