6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
