You just made me feel so damn special
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
