Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
