Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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