Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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