I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
