rhymes with "ouble enetration"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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