My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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