He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
