People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
