just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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