there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
