Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i am craving dick and cupcakes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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