I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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