do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
