i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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