That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
