That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
