So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
