How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
