My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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