We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
