I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Randomize
