i was born a porn star she said
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
