Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
