We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
