wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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