Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
