Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
